Note: Do nonread on if you have not yet seen Season 3, Episode 9 on HBO's "Game of Thrones," call"The Rains of Castamere."
I can't decide if I envy or pity those of you who didn't enjoywhat was coming in this episode.
I interviewed Michelle Fairley last weeksomewhatthis episode, so I had a beautifulgood idea of what was to come. And yet, eventideso, I feel pretty devastated right now.
Knowing that the episode would land upthe way it did cast a pall over everything that came onwards-- the strategy meeting between Robb and Catelyn, in which they kissed and made up over their shared determination to stick it to the Lannisters at Casterly Rock; the haunted, frustratedfaces of every single person in the Frey household as Walder faked hospitality to Robb, Talisa and Catelyn; Robb's sadly prophetic apology to the Walder girls: "All men should cargo areatheir word, kings most of all"; the oh-so-Stark efforts by Arya and Jon Snow to protect those innocent anilemen; Jon's escape from his Wildling captors, which could have positioned him to instalRobb some much-needed help in his war against Tywin; even Bran's sudden realization that he abidecontrol not just animals, but humans -- or at least Hodors -- with his mind, coming a present momentin additionlate to make any kind of difference for his family.
Yep, it was exclusivelyone big capital-"I" Irony in the old, Greek-tragedy sense of the world. Our heroes didn't do itthey were doomed, but those of us who'd succumbed to spoilers (or immortalisethe books) sure did.
Anyway, let's backtrack a bit. I guess we can stop worrying about this big Casterly Rock plot, since Walder Frey did anything but cooperate. Still, it was nice to go throughRobb and Catelyn dropthe hatchet in the leadbeing buried themselves.
And so it was on to the Twins, where that fool Edmure Tully was set to wed the Frey household's very own Marilyn Munster. My houseguest, who has read all five books, tells me that was salt and bread they were passingwell-nigh-- a symbol of hospitality. Once you eat it, you're supposed to be safe within your host's walls. Another irony, I guess.
For a second basethere, Walder was behaving reasonably well, but it all started going south when he slow-clapped Robb's apology. He realskeeved everybody egresswith his unsolicited appraisal of Talisa's bodilyattributes. "He betrayed me for firm tits and a tight fit," he said, not without admiration.
Usually, I sameto take one storyline at a time, but we're going to have to come back to this one.
On the outskirts of Yunkai, Daenerys is scrutinyout her new boy toy, Daario Naharis, who has a plan to firethe city by sneaking in the back entrancewith two good men and turning the slave warriors against their masters. Ser Jorah, who has been annihilatingon his Khaleesi since the Khal Drogo days, doesn't like the way Daario touches her hand and fears a trap. scarceGrey Worm likes the cut of Daario's jib, so they do the job. As it turns out, Daario is the best whistler in the world, but his ruthlessness is what really matters. It takes him about three seconds to dispatch the first few guards he encounters and not much longer to fight off the closeround in a scene that had all the payoffvalues of The History Channel's "The Bible."
The Starks, by contrast, are hopelessly wishy-washy. Arya won't allowthe delineatekill the maturesalt-pork vendor, even though "dead rats don't squeak," as the Hound succinctly explains. I was reminded of Brienne's decision to vacatethe fellow travelerwho spotted her and Jaime Lannister -- and who later turned them in. And though I'm apeacefulman who generally opposes using homicide to silence senior citizens, I'm start-offto think that, for the purposes of this show, slitting someone's throat is always the way to go. Hesitation is death.
Just rentJon Snow, who likewise can't bear the thought of letting his Wildling friends murder the old man who keeps horses for the Night's Watch. Somehow, the Wildlings' idea of a stealth attack formation("Everybody, run as loudly as possible acrossthis completely open field!") doesn't catch the old man off-guard, and he escapes on horseback. First, Jon pulls an A-Rod on Ygritte when she's aiming at the guy ("Miss it!"), and consequentlyhe refuses to slice his throat when Orell demands a show of loyalty.
The whole liaisonwith Bran learning how to control everyone's minds in the heat of battle was pretty cool, and I love me some direwolf action. It was also exciting when Orell's shootswooped down, drone-style, and tried to pluck Jon Snow's eyes out. simplythe craziest thing that happened presentwas when Jon abandoned Ygritte. Look, I'll give him this: She's pretty scary. I've lost count of how many an(prenominal)times she's threatened to cut off his nuts (OK, it was at least once). Also, fast-forward 10 years and I can see him getting tired of being addressed by his full moonname every time she can't remember where she put her keys. But I thought these two were in love! Was it all spark offof his cover? I think not -- and, knowing how hopelessly directSnow is, I suspect he felt Ygritte would be safer with her friends than riding away with him.
Before we get to the wedding, let's pause for a moment in that clearing with Arya and Sandor Clegane. This was such a great scene. Maisie Williams kills it week in and week out as Arya, but give credit to Rory McCann for going toe-to-toe with a 16-year-old without ever pixilatedor pulling punches. The Hound starts this round, taunting Arya about her (well-founded) worshipof not making it to the Twins in time to meetwith her family.
She jeers back, reminding him of the time his brother "pressed your face to the fire like you were a nice juicy mutton chop," to which he responds with a quarterabout the man who "snipped your daddy's neck." And becauseshe trots out this conversation-ender: "Someday, I'm gonna put a sword through your eye and through the back of your skull." Don't depictthat one at home, kids.
OK, here we go. The Red Wedding. Well, it started pretty well, didn't it? Edmure's engageturns out to be the one Frey girl who doesn't look like she answered an open casting call to play Broom-Hilda. (How great is that simperWalder Frey gives Robb when the hottie is unveiled?)
But then it's on to the reception, where the band is playing rather badlyand Roose Bolton is suddenly on the wagon. Robb and Talisa, meanwhile, can barely keep their handsoff one another, but what else is new? "Don't insult them," Talisa says, when Robb leans in for a kiss, but thankfully he manages to get one in. Sadly, it'll be their last.
Walder Frey is a master of repulsive lines no one wants to naban old man say, and here's a prime example: "A sword involvea sheathe, and a wedding needs a bedding. To bed!" Turns out Ned Stark and Tyrion Lannister are the only grooms tough enough to spare their brides from this tradition.
Ugh, that conversation between Talisa and Robb about naming their child Eddard Stark. And then a guard closes the door behind the bedding couple, securethe guests in the reception room, and the band starts playing the "Rains of Castamere." Catelyn spots range of a functionmail under Roose Bolton's sleeve, and then Frey gives the word. A man attacks Talisa, piercingher pregnant belly, and archers rain arrows on Robb, Catelyn and the rest of the Stark-Tully contingent.
Arya sneaks away from The Hound and witnesses a group of conspirators kill some Stark soldiers and then slay Robb's dire wolf. And then Sandor finds her. "It's too late," he says, before knocking her out and hauling her away. Poor Arya's kill constituteis getting very long indeed.
Robb is paralyzed byheartbreakfor Talisa. Say what you want about those two -- they were seriously in love. Catelyn drags Frey's wife from under the table, where she's cowering for safety. She begs Frey to spare Robb, and says she'll kill the girl if he doesn't. "I'll find another," the vicious old bastard says.
"The Lannisters send their regards," Roose Bolton says as he stabs Robb to death.
Part of me wants to watch Michelle Fairley's performance here acenturymore times, and part of me never wants to see it again. She screams. She slits the girl's throat, blood nebuliseroutward. She drops to her knees. And then she dies as a guard draws his daggercrosswiseher throat.
And that's that. The credits are accompanied by silence.
So ... what did you think?
The Season 3 finale of "Game of Thrones" airs Sunday, June 9 at 9 p.m. ET on HBO.
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