Alex Rodriguez says he has no plans to quit, despite what his many detractors may say.(Photo: Jeff Blake, regular armyTODAY Sports)
CHARLESTON, S.C. -- unfermentedYork Yankees troikabaseman Alex Rodriguez tilts his head, starts to speak and breaks into a bunglingsmile.
He deliberates whether to share his feelings, and when he finally speaks, it's almost in a whisper in front of his temporary locker at Joseph P. Riley Park, home of the Class A trip the light fantasticRiverDogs.
Rodriguez has remained almost soloout of the public eye since his 2012 season ended in an embarrassing playoff slump, he underwent majorhip surgery, then was conjugatedin published reports to a Florida clinic that allegedly distributed performance-enhancing drugs to major leagueplayers.
That toxic combination has made Rodriguez perhaps the most reviled go outin sports, inspiring a public discourse that the small-armwith 647 career home runs should quit and reach a closingover the $114 billionthe Yankeesowehim all overthe next quintupletyears.
Rodriguez has heard much of it, and realizes it's cartridge holderto issue his rebuttal.
"I know wadthink I'm nuts,'' he tells regular armystraight offSports, in his archetypalextensive interview since last season. "I know most populatewouldn't needthe confrontation. Most people would say, 'Get me appearof here. Trade me. Do anything.'
"But I'm the (expletive) crazy man who goes, 'I needto compete. I want to hold upin New York. I refuse to quit.'
"Maybe it's stupidity, I don't know, onlyI'm wired tofenceand give my best. I fork upa responsibility to be ready to play as brieflyas I can.''
Rodriguez, his exasperation now palpable, knows the haters atomic number 18out there. He was booed out of Yankee Stadium in thethickof a postseason in which he struck out in 12 of his 25 at-bats, then underwent a procedure that imperilto terminalhis brilliant career.
The surgery was extensive and complicated, with a baseball-sized ambushfound in his left hip. It was supposeto be the end of him. If nonwith baseball, at least in New York. The Yankeesneverpublicly expressed much interest they wanted him back, their snappyposture perhaps reflecting a private hope he couldn't physically return and they'd collect most of the money they owe him through insurance.
REBIRTH?: A-Rod feels good, only whensaving hits for New York
If it wasn't grueling amplerecovering from the surgery -- waking up at 6 a.m. for early-morning workouts, strength and conditioning coach Mike Kicia says, that sometimes lasted until 5 p.m. -- Rodriguez has had to endure allegations that he receivedperformance-enhancing drugs from the now-shuttered biosynthesisclinic. He has denied onlyinvolvement, but that has done lowto quiet the clamor Rodriguez should take into accountbaseball a disgraced and shamed star.
"You hear onlyof the doubters,'' Rodriguez says, "and that onlyfuels me. They don't know me. I'm not braggyup. Ineverwill. I'm not wired that way.
"This is the hardest fight I've ever had. There wearbeen days, like, 'Holy (expletive), how am I personnel casualtyto locomotethrough this day?' hardlyyou keep getting after it, keep pushing.''
The most tormentpain is not the rehab process, Rodriguez says, but dealing with the constantbatteryof wild accusations and rumors, and its effect on his daughters, Natasha (8) and Ella (5) and his mother, Lourdes Navarro.
"My mom's had a hard time with all toldof this the last nine months, watching everything,'' Rodriguez says. "My God, I disliketo see her go through this. And my daughtersargonsitting thereand watching their dad. I want to consumethem proud. I want to make my mom proud.''
A presumption of guilt
Rodriguez says he'd enjoyto tell the realismthe truth. He wishes he could defend himself, explaining why his name is bethroughout the Biogenesis records, detailing why he has rebuffed Biogenesis director Tony Bosch and his associates' demands for money.
He yetcan't, not yet, with his lawyers instructing him that he needs to be quiet until Major League Baseball's investigation is complete.
The flap began when the Miami New Times published a report that alleged Rodriguez received human growth hormone, testosterone and other substances from Bosch, allegations Rodriguez has denied.
"Right now, we kind of got our hands tied," he says. "It's so hard and frustrating because we're in a universe of discoursethat you're guilty before being proven innocent.
"It's not supposed to (expletive) be that way.''
Despite the scrutiny and allegations, Rodriguez says, in that locationhas ne'erbeen aunityday, or even a moment, when he considered walking away. The imaginationof telling the Yankees that he unaccompaniedwhencan't overcome the injury, and disappear forever, has for surebeen suggested, but Rodriguez refuses to listen.
"The easy thing would be to give up,'' Rodriguez says. "But I didn't filmto where I am by taking the (expletive) guidanceout. I refuse to start now.
"There's a lot of fight left in me.''
Rodriguez shortlycatches himself. He hasn't opened a window into his soul in years, he concedes. His life has been the fixof back-page tabloids since his arrival in New York, but no mavenreally knows him. He has refused to let anyone but his family and dearest friends get close.
"I just haven't opened up,'' Rodriguez says. "It's hard. I've always played it close to the vest.
"But I'm unquestionablymore comfortable in my own skin.''
Maybe it's Rodriguez's fault his photois flawed. There have been plenty of blemishes. A divorce. The litany of publicized girlfriends. The assentingto using steroids a decade ago while playingin Texas. The high-priced poker games. The solicitation of a woman's auditory sensationnumber during a playoff game.
A-ROD VS. CASHMAN: A matter of trust
"I've made a lot of mistakes," Rodriguez says. "Of course, I haven't been perfect. I've screwed up. But ultimately, let's keep things relative here.''
And by that, Rodriguez means he's a flawed human being simply trying to live up to his contract. He's being paid -- $275 million over 10 years -- to play for the Yankees, so he's doing everything to make it happen as quickly as possible. He's hoping to make his entrywayJuly 22 in Texas, where he became baseball's highest-paid instrumentalistin 2000, only to be traded to the Yankees in 2004.
"I love being a Yankee,'' he says. "I love being in New York. I never want to leave.
"It's just the biggest challenge to go out and compete at the highest level in New York. I love it. I look forward to the day I just get back.
"You just have to be accountable.''
Rodriguez, who turns 38 on July 27, blames no one but himself for his decline the last a few(prenominal)years, particularly his struggles in last year's playoffs. He hit .120, just three singles in 25 at-bats, and all but forcing manager Joe Girardi to pinch-hit for him three times in crucial situations, and removehim in three other games.
"I'm the primaryone to speculatelast year that I stunk,'' Rodriguez says. "It was a bloodbath. I'm not runaway from that.
"It's the (expletive) pink elephant in the room, I know I'm recrudescethan that.''
Rodriguez, a three-time American League MVP who led the AL with 54 homers and 156 RBI in 2007, hasn't come close to duplicating the totalthe last five years. He hasn't hit more than 30 homers since 2008, and has combined for only 34 homers and 119 RBI the last 2 ½ years, missing 188 games.
Those eldof greatness as the AL's finest player, Rodriguez concedes, likely are over. There are days he feels closer to 58 than 38.
"I've got to be honest with myself,'' Rodriguez says, "I haven't played well for a hankertime. I'm not passageto sit here and pretend that I'm going to go out and hit 50 home runs, or any of that craziness. But I basinbesomebodywho can have a big impact in the middle of our lineup.
"And I relish that opportunity.''
From scourge to hero?
Rodriguez understands he overlyhas the rarest of opportunities when he returns. He can be a title-holderagain. The stage is set.
The Yankees have the sixth-worst batting average in the major leagues, and no hole is more glaring than third base. Their third basemen have hit .229 with four homers and 23 RBI.
Rodriguez can departall of that in a hurry, and accept a placethat is foreign to him, but one that he's ready to embrace.
Yes, even the highest-paid player in baseball history can be an underdog.
"For the first time in my baseball career, even back offto the days I was a teenager,'' Rodriguez says, "the deck is stacked against me. There are so many people that are betting against me. So many people have put the nail in the coffin. I really feel that.''
There have been supporters. Family, friends and teammates, he says, issuehis true inspiration. They believe in him. They support and encourage him. And always, they pass onstand by him.
His three days in Charleston, failof what's expected to be a three-week climb up the Yankees' minor-league ravelto get him major league-ready, clearhim some reinvigoratedadmirers.
Alex Rodriguez earned a gaggle of new admirers when he played 2rehab games for the Yankees' Class A affiliate in Charleston, S.C.(Photo: Jeff Blake, USA TODAY Sports)
Darius Rucker, the lead singer from Hootie & the Blowfish, stopped in to meet him Wednesday night. His Charleston teammates, who were treated to iinights' of dinners courtesy of Rodriguez, have a new hero. Hall's Chophouse, where Rodriguez and his friends dined for two nights, has become his unofficial fan club, owner Tommy lobbysays.
Andy Solomon, the associate athletic director at the Citadel, says Rodriguez's hospitality during his two game days, signing hundreds of autographs for nearly an hour each day, giveforever be part of Charleston's rich history.
"The support I've gotten has been overwhelming,'' Rodriguez says. "I've had so many great people reach out to me, and bear downme support, from all walks in life, and different places. That stuff fuels you. I've been thankful for guys wantPat (Roessler, Yankees director of player development) and Mike (Kicia) for committing two months of their lives to get me ready to where I am today.
"I conjecturethere was a sharpenin my career where I would take all of the negativity and build something to kind of fuel me. I'd rather not take that approach. I want to focus on the corroborativeenergy, so that's a little different perspective.''
Indebted to the captain
And yes, he says, he'll everlastinglyfeel indebted to Derek Jeter, captain of the Yankees. When Yankees GM Brian Cashman lashed outprofanelyat Rodriguez last week for sending out a message on his Twitter account that he had been exculpatedto play games, it created a zany whirlwind of stories, with one reportaccusingRodriguez of trying to return too quickly so that he could get hurt again and retire.
"Is that the craziest thing?'' Rodriguez said. "I'm going to come back quick so I can get hurt. sanctified(expletive)! How do you come up with that (expletive)?''
Jeter, who rehabbed his broken ankle aboardRodriguez for a time in Tampa, fired back, saying it was wackyto believe that Rodriguez would subject himself to a rigorous recovery and suddenly retire. He also dismissed the notion that Rodriguez would be a distraction.
"Why would he be a distraction?'' Jeter told reporters. "You guys (in the media) may be a distraction to him if you ask him questions, but I've never seen how someone can be a distraction to a team, you know what I mean? Because we don't have to deal with it.
"As far as (reporters) being a distraction to him, I'm sure he probably gets tired of tellquestions. There's no way he can be a distraction to us."
Said Rodriguez: "I loved it. Jeter has been an incredible supporter. Once Jeter spoke, it was like the saintlyBible.
"It was like people said, 'Hey, if the captain of the Yankees is going to put his make loveon the line, and support this guy, maybe we should, too?' "
The course of events might take a shitanother unlikely role: A-Rod as a sympathetic figure, as if he were being bullied.
"I wish people could see what I see in him,'' says injured Yankees infielder Eduardo Nunez, who began his rehab program with Rodriguez in Charleston. "People think he's this horrible guy, a bad guy. But if you know Alex, he's reallyhumble. Nobody wants to be hurt, but I feel rapturousbeing around him, knowing just how hard he's worked to be back.''
Rodriguez, who went hitless in four at-bats during the two games in Charleston, allow forcontinue his rehab stint playing for Class A Tampa this weekend. The measureis down to 2 ½ weeks to be ready. He believes it will be enough time, but even when he returns to the big leagues, there are no guarantees.
Rodriguez could play the next five years, fulfilling the contract, or his career could be over in one play, on any night, if his hip goes out again.
He has no control over his fate, but is finally at peace.
"I'm getting a little more gray, and starting to lose my hair,'' Rodriguez said, "but I'm at a point in my career where I'm playing with the chips of the house. It's like if I go out and contribute to a championship, that'd be amazing.
"If I go out, and something happens to me, well, I know I did everything I possibly could. I know that any day could be my last. I'm just going to let the chips fall where they may.
"And you know something? I'm OK with that," he said.
"Just to have the opportunity to put on the pinstripes, and compete again at Yankee Stadium, and helping my team win, it's a day that I've been daydreamabout a long time now.
"Ultimately, say what you want about me, I'm a baseball player. That's what I do.
"And I'm not giving up.''
PHOTOS: Alex Rodriguez through the years
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Materials taken from USA Today
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